Grief is a deeply personal and often overwhelming experience that touches everyone at some point. Whether it is the death of a loved one or another significant loss, the process of grieving can be complex and varied. Understanding the stages of grief can help in navigating these intense emotions and finding a path toward healing. In this blog, we will explore the 5 stages of grief, what each stage entails, and how long these grief stages might last.

What Are the 5 Stages of Grief?

Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the concept of the 5 stages of grief in her groundbreaking book On Death and Dying. These stages were initially identified in people coping with terminal illness, but they have since been widely recognised as part of the grieving process for anyone dealing with loss. The model helps us understand how individuals might navigate their grief, though it is important to remember that not everyone experiences all these stages in a linear order.

• Denial: The first stage of grief is denial, a temporary defence mechanism to buffer the initial shock of the loss. In this stage, the reality of the situation is hard to accept, and individuals might find themselves in a state of disbelief. This might manifest as thoughts like, "This can't be happening," or "There must be some mistake."

During the denial stage, the grief-stricken person may avoid the facts of the loss, whether it is the death of a loved one or another meaningful change in life. This stage serves as a coping mechanism, allowing the individual to slowly absorb the situation's impact. It is a way of numbing the overwhelming emotions of the sudden change, providing a temporary emotional cushion.

Examples of denial include not acknowledging the death, continuing life as if nothing has happened, or even believing the deceased will somehow return. It is a natural reaction that gives the person time to adjust to a new reality, setting the stage for the subsequent emotions that will inevitably follow.

• Anger: As the denial stage begins to fade, it is common for individuals to enter the anger stage. This stage represents a powerful emotional response to the sense of loss, often accompanied by feelings of helplessness and frustration. The anger might be directed at the deceased, oneself, others, or life.

In the anger stage, people might ask, "Why is this happening to me?" or "How could this happen?" The frustration might be expressed outwardly, sometimes in irrational ways, such as blaming others or feeling that life is unfair. This anger might also be directed internally, leading to feelings of guilt or self-blame.

For some, this stage is challenging because it can be socially isolating. The anger may make it difficult for others to offer comfort, and the grieving person might lash out at those trying to help. Yet, this stage is a crucial part of the process, as it allows the individual to start confronting the loss's reality, even though negative emotions.

• Bargaining: The bargaining stage involves a desperate attempt to regain control in an uncontrollable situation. It is common for individuals to make deals with a higher power, themselves, or others, in hopes of reversing or lessening their loss. This stage is often characterised by "if only" or "what if" statements, such as "If only I had done something differently, this wouldn't have happened."

Bargaining is a way of coping with the helplessness and vulnerability that accompany grief. It reflects the desire to go back in time and prevent the loss from occurring. Religious or spiritual beliefs might play a significant role in this stage, with individuals pleading for a different outcome or a reprieve from their grief.

For example, someone might promise to lead a better life if their loved one is spared or wish they could have one more day with the deceased to say goodbye. While bargaining can provide a temporary sense of control, it is futile, leading to the recognition that the loss is irreversible. This realisation often propels the grieving individual into the next stage.

• Depression: The depression stage of grief is marked by an overwhelming sense of sadness, regret, and despair. This stage often follows the realisation that bargaining will not change the reality of the loss. The individual may begin to fully grasp their loss's magnitude, leading to intense sadness and hopelessness.

During this stage, it is common for individuals to withdraw from daily activities, isolate themselves from others, and experience deep sorrow. They may feel a profound emptiness and question how life can go without their loved one. The depression stage is a time of reflection, where the individual may replay memories and ponder the future without the person they have lost.

Depression in grief is different from clinical depression, though the symptoms can overlap. It is a natural response to loss, a period of mourning that allows the individual to process their emotions. However, if this stage becomes prolonged or intensifies to the point where daily functioning is impaired, it may be necessary to seek help from a mental health professional.

It is important to note that the depression stage does not always manifest in overt sadness; some may experience it as numbness, disinterest in life, or overwhelming fatigue. This stage can be the most challenging, but it is also an essential part of the grieving process, helping the individual to confront and work through their pain.

• Acceptance: The final stage of the five stages of grief is acceptance. This stage is not about being "okay" with the loss but coming to terms with it. Acceptance means acknowledging the reality of the situation and understanding that life must continue despite the loss.

In this stage, the individual starts to adjust to life without their loved one. They begin to find ways to move forward, often by integrating the memory of their loved one into their life in a healthy way. This might involve finding a new sense of purpose, establishing new routines, or forming new relationships.

Acceptance does not mean the pain is gone or the person will never feel sadness again. Instead, it signifies a shift in perspective, where the individual focuses more on the good days than the bad ones. They may still experience moments of grief, but these are balanced with a sense of peace and understanding that life, despite its challenges, continues.

This stage also involves recognising the permanence of the loss and beginning a new chapter in life. While the loss will always be a part of them, the individual in the acceptance stage is better equipped to face the future with resilience and hope.

How Long Do Grief Stages Last?

The duration of the stages of grief can vary significantly from person to person. Some may move through the stages in weeks, while others might take months or years. It is essential to remember that the grieving process is not linear, and it is expected to revisit or experience certain stages differently.

Other Stages of Grief

While the five stages of grief are the most widely recognised, some models suggest additional stages that address the complexities of grief.

• Shock and Denial: A heightened state of disbelief and numbness.

• Pain and Guilt: Feelings of intense sadness and self-blame often surface during this stage.

• Anger and Bargaining: This stage overlaps with the original model but emphasises the bargaining aspect more.

• Depression: Deep, often isolating sadness can occur here as one starts to grasp the whole reality of their loss.

• The Upward Turn: As the intense emotions wane, a calm period may emerge.

• Reconstruction and Working Through: This stage involves reorganising life after the loss and finding new ways to move forward.

• Acceptance and Hope: The final stage includes accepting the loss and finding hope for the future.

When to Reach Out for Help

Grieving is a natural response to loss, but sometimes, the grief feels too overwhelming, or one might feel stuck in a particular stage. It is crucial to recognise when to seek help, whether from a mental health professional or a support group.

• Persistent Depression: If the depression stage lasts too long or worsens, professional help might be necessary.

• Inability to Function: When grief prevents you from performing daily activities, it is time to seek assistance.

• Suicidal Thoughts: If grief leads to thoughts of self-harm or suicide, immediate help is needed.

• Support Groups: Joining a group of people who understand your experience can provide comfort and practical advice.

How to Help Someone Who is Grieving

Supporting someone through the grieving process can be emotionally challenging and profoundly rewarding. While uncertainty about what to say or do is natural, your presence and understanding can offer immense comfort. Grief is a profoundly personal journey, and everyone experiences it differently. Here are some ways you can provide meaningful support to someone who is grieving:

• Listen Without Judgment: One of the most important things you can do for someone who is grieving is to listen—truly listen. When someone is experiencing the intense emotions that come with loss, they need a safe space to express their feelings without fear of being judged or “fixed.” This means being present with them in their pain, allowing them to share their thoughts and emotions, no matter how difficult or irrational they may seem. This could include expressions of anger, guilt, sadness, or even relief—feelings that are all part of the grieving process.

Avoid offering clichés or platitudes like "everything happens for a reason" or "they're in a better place now." Even if well-intentioned, these can feel dismissive. Instead, validate their feelings by acknowledging their pain with phrases like, "I'm so sorry you're going through this" or "I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.” Remember, your role is not to solve their grief but to provide a compassionate ear. Sometimes, silence and simply being there is the most potent support you can offer.

• Offer Practical Help: Grief can be all-consuming, making it difficult for the person to manage everyday tasks. Offering practical help can ease some of the burden and show them they are not alone in their struggle.

Practical help might include:

• Cooking meals: Preparing food can be daunting when someone is grieving. Dropping off a meal or inviting them to eat can provide nourishment and companionship.

• Running errands: Simple tasks like grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions, or helping with paperwork can become overwhelming during grief. Offering to run these errands can be a significant relief.

• Household chores: Helping with cleaning, laundry, or yard work can be a welcome gesture for someone who may not have the energy to keep up with daily responsibilities.

• Childcare: If the grieving person has children, offering to babysit or take the children out for a few hours can give them some much-needed time to themselves.

Be specific in your offers of help. Instead of saying, "Let me know if you need anything," try, "I'm going to the store—can I pick up anything for you?" or "I'll bring dinner over tomorrow evening." Concrete offers make it easier for the grieving person to accept help without feeling like a burden.

• Encourage Professional Help: While your support is invaluable, there may come a point when the grieving person needs more help than you can provide. Encouraging them to seek the guidance of a mental health professional can be a crucial step in their healing journey, especially if they are struggling with severe depression or are unable to move forward in their grief.

A therapist or counsellor specialising in grief can provide a safe environment for them to explore their emotions, work through their pain, and develop coping strategies. I suggest that professional help should be given gently and without pressure. You might say, "It could be helpful to talk to someone specialising in grief," or "Seeing a therapist might give you additional support during this tough time."

Suppose they are open to the idea but unsure where to start. In that case, you can assist by researching therapists, providing information on grief support groups, or even offering to accompany them to their first appointment.

• Be Patient. Grief does not follow a set timeline, and each person's journey is unique. Some people may start to feel better in a few weeks or months, while others may take years to find their new normal. As a supporter, your patience is one of your greatest gifts.

Avoid pushing the grieving person to “move on” or “get over it.” Even when meant to encourage, statements like these can feel dismissive and increase their sense of isolation. Instead, recognise that their grief may ebb and flow, with good and bad days.

Continue to check in with them, even as time passes. The initial surge of support after a loss often fades, but grief can persist long after the funeral or memorial service is over. Sending a message, giving them a call, or inviting them out for coffee weeks or months later can remind them that they are still in your thoughts.

Respect their need for space if they withdraw but let them know you are there whenever they need you. Grief can be a long and lonely road, and your ongoing presence can provide much-needed comfort and reassurance that they are not alone.

Find Support When You Need It Most

Navigating the stages of grief can be an overwhelming and deeply personal experience. At ManipalCigna Health Insurance, we understand the importance of mental and emotional well-being during difficult times. Our comprehensive health insurance plans include access to mental health professionals and counselling services, ensuring you receive the support you need when it matters most. Take the first step toward healing by exploring our plans today and let us help you find the care and support you deserve on your journey to recovery.

FAQs on Stages of Grief

What are the five stages of grief in order?

The 5 stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Are there 7 or 5 stages of grief?

Both models exist. The 5 stages of grief are widely recognised, while the 7 stages provide a more detailed framework.

How long do stages of grief last?

The duration varies; some might move through stages quickly, while others take much longer. It is essential to recognise that everyone's grieving process is unique.